Spongebob Squarepants: Femme Fatale
by Lyndell E. Abercrombie
Summary: Plankton has been stepped on for the last time, and decides to hire some helping hands. But what's so special about his new accomplice? And has Squidward finally found himself a date, or is he in greater danger than ever before?
1. Of Squashed Hopes and Old Friends

**Author's notes: Ahah, my first Spongebob fan fiction! Includes a fan-character debut. ****This story was written to stay true to the essence of the show- whether I've been successful with that or not, is up to you, heh. Bold type is, as you can see, Author's notes. **_Italics are used when characters put emphasis on their words, and also to express a character's thoughts._ **Other than that, I don't think I've got really anything important here to say, apart from... enjoy the fic!**

Aah, the morning sun rises over Bikini Atoll, bringing its warmth and light into the new day, and down into Bikini Bottom. It looks like it's going to be hot today. This reminds me of the time a newcomer, from a very hot continent, arrived in Bikini Bottom, and stirred up some trouble.

It was a chilly evening. The undersea restaurant of the Krusty Krabs was near closing time.

"Don't be slackin', boys! We're not through just yet." Mr. Krabs reminded his two employees. "We still got another ten minutes to draw in the money! All hands on deck!"

"Aye-aye, cap' in!" Spongebob saluted, before continuing to mop the floor with newfound vigour.

"You shouldn't encourage him, Mr, Krabs." Squidward scowled from behind his book. "You know he'll just end up breaking something."

Neither Mr. Krabs nor Spongebob seemed to hear him, however. Mr. Krabs headed back to his office.  
"Oh, and don't stop lookin' out fer that wretched varmint, Plankton, either." Mr. Krabs narrowed his eyes as he looked around the nearly empty dining room, before closing the door.

Squidward, uninterested, turned his attention back to his book. "Sure, whatever."

"Time to take out the trash! Doo dee doo..." Spongebob sang along to the clanking of rusty cans and glass soda bottles inside the garbage bag. "Taking out the trash, trashy trashy trash-" He was interrupted, however, by a loud and familiar squeal of pain from under his shoe.

"Oops. Err, sorry Plankton."  
"You _will_ be, by Neptune!" the microscopic green life form shouted in rage. "I will have my _REVE-_ oh, forget it." Plankton turned his eye to the ground in a defeated tone. "You go run along, kid."  
"Uhh... okay. You go have fun Mister Plankton sir!" Spongebob cried after him cheerfully, before throwing the garbage bag into the dumpster and returning to the Krusty Krabs.

"Stupid kid." Plankton grouched as he marched back to the Chum Bucket. "What does he know...?"

Shoving the (relatively) massive doors open, Plankton was greeted once again by his nagging computer W.I.F.E, Karen.

"So? How'd it go this time?" She piped up expectantly.

"Oh, leave me alone." Plankton slumped into his desk chair.

"You got stepped on again, didn't you?"  
"I said, leave me _alone_!"  
"Plankton... Remember I _am _just trying to help, you know. You always make it very hard for me-"  
"Here she goes."  
"-because you never talk to me about _anything_ that goes on. If you'd just swallow your pride for a few minutes and let on a few details, I could provide much better help with your schemes."

Plankton turned and glared for a moment up at the large black computer screen before sighing heavily.

"... _Alright_, if it'll get you off my back...

...I've tried everything I can think of, as you know. I've tried going in to steal the formula myself; that failed. I've tried stealing a Krabby Patty, several times... that failed. I've tried asking nicely, that failed too! I even tried brainwashing Mr. Krabs' best employee... but that failed too." Plankton tugged on his antennae in frustration. "Failed, failed, failed, _failed, FAILED_! For _twenty years_, Karen... and each time I get so close, that formula just manages to dodge my little paws. WHEN WILL IT BE _MY_ CHANCE?!" He screamed finally, before slamming his face into the desk.

"Have patience, honey." Karen soothed, reaching out her robotic hand to pet Plankton. "I think I have an idea."

Plankton looked up. "Oh really?"

"Mhmm. Do you remember one of your friends from college?"  
"I... might."  
"My records say she's gone on to become a successful freelance spy. She could be your accomplice."  
"... I see-"  
"And on another note, I don't think you've scoured the employees of the Krusty Krabs quite enough."  
Plankton frowned. "_What_?! But I've bugged Spongebob as much as I possibly can! I've used bribery! Negotiation! Forceful mind control!"

Karen let out an annoyed, yet slightly amused, sigh.  
"I'm not talking about Spongebob." She said firmly, before bringing up some pictures and statistics on her screen. Plankton lifted his eyebrow at the bald, big-nosed octopus she presented him.

"...What, this loser?" Plankton mused, unimpressed.  
"Don't underestimate this opportunity, Plankton. For one, Squidward hates his job. He lives alone, and would lead a rather dull life it if weren't for his hyperactive- and annoying- neighbours."  
"So?"  
"Put the pieces together, Plankton! Hire your old friend, and get _her_ to coax the formula out of _Squidward!_"

"..."

Plankton slowly stood up from his chair, lost in thought. "That... actually makes sense...' He stammered. "Why, that might just pull through, in fact! Hahahah! Oh formula, you SHALL BE MINE!"

* * *

"S'cuse me, Miss Ring. Someone wants to speak with you." A young angelfish poked her head out from behind the door, holding up a phone.  
"Who'zzut?" a voice from behind a large leather office chair, facing away from the angelfish, lazily replied with a thick Australian accent.  
"A Mister Plankton, miss. He says he knows you from college."

"Hmmm... give th'phone to me." A dull yellowish-coloured tentacle with ultramarine blue bands gestured the angelfish over. "Hullo?" she said once she had put it to her ear.  


"Hello, uhh... is this Sheela Ring?"  
"Th'one an' only. You're Plankton huh?"

"Aah, so you _do_ remember me!" Plankton's voice brightened. "Yes I am, and I'm calling because I... need... your help."  
Sheela let out a sarcastic gasp. "Lawd, y'_can't_ be _Plankton_! He'd never ask anyone ta help _him_-"

"Yeah yeah yeah, well, times have changed and the plans I want to carry out require, uuh, more than one set of hands, if you know what I mean." Plankton replied hastily, peeved.

Sheela chuckled quietly. "Very well, then. What'cha need me for, Shortie?"  
"Well... firstly," Plankton scratched his chin and grinned evilly. "How's that memorable smile of yours that I remember from so long ago?"

Sheela set out an amused huff and turned her office chair around so she was facing the door. A dim sliver of light shone from behind the door, leaving the top of her face in darkness. As she grinned wider, a small set of fangs could be seen.

"...It's... _intoxicating_."

* * *

**There you have it folks! Sorry this chapter was so short, I honestly thought it was longer when it was still in my head. Please rate and review, and give critique! Luv ya's... Abercrombie.**


	2. New Love, New Threat

'_Hit the road Jack, and don't you come back no more, no more, no more, no more.  
Hit the road Jack, and don't you come back no more.'_

Today was one of those lazy sorts of Sundays, where people were content to just sit back and relax. Everything seemed silent and peaceful in Bikini Bottom, apart from the faint melodic tune of a Jazz band, which seemed to be emitting from a certain octopus's Easter Island head.

'_Hit the road Jack, and don't you come back no more, no more, no more, no more.  
Hit the road Jack, and don't you come back no more.'_

Unfortunately for that certain octopus, his peaceful and meditative state was about to be broken when a certain neighbour started singing along to his record. Loudly.

"_Whoah woman, oh woman, don't treat me so mean!  
You're the meanest old woman that I've ever seen!  
I guess if you say so,  
I'd have to pack my things and-"_

"SPONGEBOB!!"  
"Hi Squidward!"

That certain octopus sat up from his recliner and made angry blubbing noises at his neighbour for a few moments; being caught completely off-guard, he had trouble finding words with which to express his resentment and exasperation. Finally, he just decided to settle with something simple.

"_GETOUTOFMYHOUSE!_"

Squidward stood and picked Spongebob up to boot him out his front door like he had done so many times before. He opened the door, held the porous menace in position, drew back his foot-

"S'cuse me, gois," A meek female voice called out. "Er... Uh'm new heer, eind I was kinda wonderin' if wunna you could show me wheer th'hotel is?"  
Squidward froze in his tracks just long enough for Spongebob to spring out of his grasp and approach the strange woman, much to his dismay once he realised.  
"Spongebob! Get back!"

Spongebob bounced up merrily to where she stood and grinned from ear to ear- well, if he had ears.  
"Welcome to Bikini Bottom Ma'am!" He nearly shouted, holding out his hand for her to shake. Squidward however quickly pushed him to the side before any potentially harmful contact was made.

"I'm sorry about that, Ma'am- that's just Spongebob, being... _Spongebob_." Squidward narrowed his eyes at the little yellow sponge. The stranger giggled.

"Tha's alroight. Kinda cute actually." She smiled and lifted an eyebrow at Spongebob. "I'm Sheela Ring. It's noice t'meet ya both."

"The pleasure's all mine." Squidward shook her hand. "May I ask, that accent of yours-"

"Australian, luv." Sheela answered before he could finish. "If I could have a dollar fer all the times I've been mistaken for a Brit, heh." She chuckled and raised a tentacle to brush away a stray strand of her short brown hair. Spongebob tilted his head.  


"I've _never_ seen anyone like _you_, miss Sheela ma'am." He said, studying her strange pale-yellow skin and the bands of deep, bright blue that she had all along her tentacles, as well one on her neck and her petite nose.  
"Spongebob! Don't be rude." Squidward scowled, but Sheela just chuckled again.

"No worries really," she flicked her tentacle to show it was no big deal. "I know U'm a rare breed 'round here."

Squidward huffed and grinned a little at this remark. _As unusual as she looks, she's still an octopus like me. Heh._

"I'm Squidward. That's my house behind me." He waved his tentacle at the Moai head behind him, deciding that he may as well show off. "I could show you inside if you want-"

"Oooooh, and then we could give her a tour of _my_ house!" Spongebob suddenly piped up, causing Squidward and Sheela to exchange looks. "And then we could introduce her to Patrick! And Sandy! And Mr. Krabs! And Gary! And grmmlrmf-"

"On second thoughts," Squidward hastily planted his hand over Spongebob's mouth, "I'm sure you're exhausted from your trip here, how about we see you over to that hotel, hmm?"

"_Eehahehahaa_!" Plankton laughed quietly from behind a coral bush as he watched the trio. "Part one of my incredibly evil and diabolical plan, set in motion! Oooh, I can almost taste that formula already..." he drooled a little with a glazed look on his face, before he snapped back to reality and bounded off to the Chum Bucket.

* * *

"I hope you enjoy your stay at Bikini Bottom, Miss Ring." Squidward said once they had reached the doors of the hotel.  
"Oh, please," Sheela giggled lightly. "Yah don't need to be formal 'round me. Just call me Sheela." She gave Squidward a sly wink, before turning around to enter the hotel.

"O-oh... okay... Sh-_Shee...laaah_..." Squidward was caught wildly off-guard by her wink, and cocked his head to one side was he waved goodbye.  
"What a nice lady." Spongebob wore his usual slap-happy grin. "Do you think we'll talk to her again, Squidward?... Squidward? Squidwaaard..."  
"Huh? Oh. Yeah. I hope so."  
"...Are you okay Squidward?"  
"I'm fine, Spongebob." Squidward said in an eerily calm tone, "...How are you?"  
Spongebob just lifted an eyebrow. "I'm... okay. I... I think we should go home now. Okay?"  
"Okay." Squidward was content to follow Spongebob back to Conch St, before he retired back into his Easter Island head house. As soon as the wooden door closed, Spongebob bolted away.

He didn't stop running until he found the giant-bubble-esque Treedome.

"Sandy! _Sandy_! Where are you?!" Spongebob squealed at the airlock entrance. He had been in such a hurry that he'd forgotten to bring his helmet along.  
"Hold up there, lil' square dude!" Sandy's voice came from the interior. She noticed Spongebob was without his water helmet. "Oh, lemme fix that for ya."

Once Spongebob had acquired the appropriate headgear and was inside the Treedome, he 

immediately started hastily explaining his problem.  
"-_andnowshe'sstayingatthehotelandnowSquidward'sactingfunnyandIthinkhemightbesickand_-"

"Whoah whoah whoah, slow _down_ Spongebob! Ah can't make out a darned word that you're sayin'." Sandy put a reassuring hand on Spongebob's shoulder to try and calm him down. "Now, let's start from tha top. What's wrong?"  
Spongebob inhaled and exhaled deeply a few times, before opening his mouth to speak.  
"Well Sandy, today Squidward and I met a newcomer to the town."  
"Uhuh."

"She was a nice lady. A little funny-looking, and she had a weird accent. But she was nice."  
"Uh-hmm..."  
"She wanted directions to the hotel. So Squidward and I showed her the way to the hotel."  
"Go on..."  
"And now she's staying at the hotel. But now Squidward's acting really weirdly. He's being very out-of-character."  
"Realleh now?"  
"I think he might be sick. And I think I saw the nice lady wink at Squidward before she left." Spongebob concluded his report, and looked up at Sandy with his big, blue eyes. "What do you think, Sandy?"  
Sandy giggled and lifted an eyebrow, causing Spongebob to frown.  
"This is no laughing matter, Sandy! Squidward could be in very ill health right now!"  
"No, Spongebob... hehehe... Wait, before I jump ta conclusions. How is Squidward acting 'out-of-character'?"  
"Well, he's... being very calm and mellow. And he's smiling a lot more too." Spongebob scratched his head. "He's sighing a lot... but he sighed a lot before too..."  
"Ah knew it," Sandy giggled again. "Ol' Squiddy's fallen in love!"

Spongbob's jaw dropped as he gasped. "_Really?!_" A huge wobbly grin spread across his face as he too started giggling immaturely. "Wow, Sandy. Our old pal is becoming a man."

"Er, yeah, sure." Sandy grinned and leaned over a little. "Say, what'd that sweet lass look like anyhows? Would Ah recognise 'er?"  
"Oh yeah, she has a very distinctive appearance. She's an octopus, like Squidward, just a little shorter, and she has brown hair, and yellow skin with blue bands." Spongebob explained, proud of his ability to recall things with such accuracy.  
Sandy stopped at that last part. "Ah'm sorreh... did you say-"  
"Yellow skin with blue bands, yeah."

"...Bright blue?"  
"Well, sorta. It was a dark blue, but really bright too."  
"And you said she had a funny accent huh?"  
"Well, yeah... in fact, she said she was Australian. Why do you ask?"  
But Sandy was now too engrossed in large piles of textbooks to answer. After just a few seconds of searching, she found what she was looking for.

"Here it is; '_The __blue-ringed octopuses__ (genus __Hapalochlaena__) are three or four small octopus species that live in tide pools in the Pacific Ocean, from Japan to Australia. Despite their small size and relatively docile nature, they are currently recognized as one of the world's most ...venomous animals... The blue-ringed octopus is the size of a golf ball, but its venom is powerful enough to kill humans._'..." Sandy gulped as she read the last few words in the short paragraph.

"..._'There is no known antidote_.'"

* * *

**Well well well! You guys wanted a new chapter so here, ya got one! Keep in mind that it is currently 1:30 am where I am right now, there may be occasional spelling errors despite my awesome spellcheck thingo, so uh, just enjoy it okay? Oh and don't forget to R&R!**

**-Abercrombie.**


End file.
